Mark 9:35, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” – Jesus

What did Jesus mean by this paradox? In order to be first, we must be last…

Jesus said to his disciples in Matthew 20:26-28, “Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

What did Jesus mean by being first? How can you be first by being last???

The disciples asked Jesus who’s the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, and Jesus called a little child over to him and answered in Matthew 18:3, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever HUMBLES himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” This was what Jesus meant by being first- the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Note!! The keyword there is HUMBLE. Like I mentioned before in a previous post, in Philippians 2:5-8, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance of man, he HUMBLED himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!”

In John 13, Jesus washed the feet of all his disciples, including one of them who was going to betray Jesus a few nights later. The Lord himself was a servant to his disciples. Likewise, we should all be servants and take every opportunity we can to serve others. We are called to be Christ-like. Therefore, we should take on the attitude of a servant, and we will be glorified after we have passed away, just as Christ was glorified. Then, the last will become first.

What does it mean to be a servant? Well specifically, we are servants of God, and we must be willing to surrender ourselves to the Lord to be used by him for his good works. You don’t have to have skills or talents. Jesus’s disciples were made out of fisherman and other humble occupations, and not men of authority like the Pharisees and Sadducees. They were not wise men, but God’s grace was sufficient for them as His power is made perfect in weakness.

God’s views differ from the views of man. As far as man is concerned, being first is to be one of the best among the rest, or being rich. Why else do you think man is sinful? Pride is one of the factors, because we always want to be better than anyone else. Most of the time, this drives us to be jealous and do all sorts of inappropriate things to gain what we want. This happens almost always in our lives. But as for God, He just wants us to be pure and innocent like a little humbled child. God loves us the way we are. So… why try so hard to please everyone else when you’re the treasure of the highest being?

1 Timothy 6:6, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

According to George MacDonald, who was a pastor of a church back in 1850 and is the author of my devotions book, he said “To every person on earth, I say, if you are not content, it is because God is not with you as you need Him, not with you as He would be with you, as you must have Him. You need Him as your body never needed food or air, need Him as your soul never hungered after joy, peace, or pleasure.”

Contentment is so difficult to attain in our day and age because of the kind of life we are living, plus all the technologies and distractions in our lives. We have been disillusioned by influences from the media, peers and etc. Everything else but God came first. It is because God was not first in our lives that we had to suffer with so many frustrations.

Everything in our lives, whether it’s responsibilities, Facebook, or Playstation, is just an illusion which cheats us into thinking that we have no time for God. On the contrary, we ALWAYS have time for God. It’s just whether you are willing to make time for Him.

During my missions trip in Batam, there was no technology, no internet. Electricity is turned on every day at around 6pm, so that the lights and fans can be turned on. After which, the electricity will be turned off at 11pm sharp. That was when I had all the time in the world to spend with God, meditating on his words and reflecting on whether I had obeyed His commands. On top of that, I could pray without any distractions.

True and eternal contentment only come from God because God knows what is best for you and He promises to answer your prayers. In John 16:24, Jesus said “Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” You will get your wish only when God knows it’s the right time. In Jeremiah 29:11, God told Jeremiah “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I was watching a horror movie on HBO with my sister. It’s called The Unborn. It was REALLY freaky and scary. But at the exorcism scene, they were reading from Psalms 91. That was when it impacted me and it touched my heart.

Psalms 91: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress my God, in whom I trust.’ Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge… You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day.... A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling… then no harm will befall you… ‘Because he loves me’, says the Lord, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name…”

You’ll need to read the chapter yourself because it’s rather long, but this chapter was rather inspiring to me and it reaffirms my faith in God. Nothing else is as comforting as the Lord Himself.

Well, it has been a long time since my last entry. So bear with me for this post, because there are many things that I have learnt over this long period of time of NOT blogging. Haha.

What I have learnt most importantly is that, this Sportswoman of the Year thing isn’t good for me after all, since it affected my spiritual life and mindset in a bad way. I have been constantly pushing myself in bowling and have almost neglected God totally. But thank God for the Holy Spirit, I still search God’s words for answers. There was one day I just flipped through the Bible, and in a second, I was caught by Philippians 2:3-8:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in the very nature of God,

Did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

But made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant,

Being made in human likeness,

And being found in appearance as a man,

He humbled himself and became obedient to death—

Even death on a cross!”

So what if I am the Sportswoman of the Year? I’m no different from the other bowlers. And the other bowlers are better than me in their own ways. Like, better learning attitudes in bowling, better anger and temperament management, a more positive attitude, and better ways at handling failures.

I had been struggling a little bit in bowling after we changed training grounds, and I was so frustrated with the lanes. My coach could see that I was struggling, and kept nagging at me with my mistakes. ARRGH!! This is so like SBF. But I tried to be tolerant because after all, he may have seen some mistakes that I made that pulled down my performance.

After I got better, and started scoring averages of 190 and above again, I still got irritating naggings from the coach and was even compared with another bowler who recently improved and started doing very well! Now this is sooooo like SBF man! ARRGH!! I hate that. That was precisely what made me demoralized and want to give up bowling in the first place.

But, after I came across the verse in Philippians, I realized that I haven’t been humble these days and actually thought that I was something. I have been working hard to achieve my selfish ambitions of maintaining number one! And I didn’t have humility in me, considering others better than myself. I looked only to my own interest, (which was tackling the lanes and getting my game and form back) and totally ignored the rest of my teammates who tried so hard to cheer me up.

Even if I am actually something in people’s eyes, I should instill humility into myself and see others better than me. I am only the Sportswoman of the Year and it’s just for the year 2009-2010, but Jesus is God in the past, present and future. I have had failures and was nothing in people’s eyes, but God is perfect and have never failed and has been feared of by everyone on earth.

Yet, He still came into this world as a mere human being who could feel hungry and thirsty, and could submit to death when He didn’t need to. He took in great amount of pain for His people when His own people were the ones that didn’t believe He was God their Father, and found all ways to send Him to His death.

Galatians 6:3-4 says “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.”

This verse reminds me of an analogy my mentor once told me. If one day God sets only one commandment for you that is “Thou shall jump so high that thou touches the moon” and you could only jump a meter high. Then one day, someone comes along beside you and tried to jump as well but could only jump half a meter high, you start laughing and mocking him. Isn’t it STUPID??? Both of you are equal failures who are way WAYYY too far from the mark God has set for you.

In the same way, we are not perfect and cannot achieve the best which is perfection. We can only achieve the best that is possible within our human capabilities. That makes us failures in a way that we cannot achieve perfection, and we are comparing ourselves with others who fail? Hence, the best is to have humility and consider others better than ourselves and look not only to your interests but the interests of others. Then you can gain respect from others.

I heard a relevant sermon last Sunday in church, and James 1:2-4 was used: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Pastor Steven said that trials and difficulties are always coming our way to shape and mold us into something better. Hence, we must embrace them.