Mark 9:35, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.” – Jesus

What did Jesus mean by this paradox? In order to be first, we must be last…

Jesus said to his disciples in Matthew 20:26-28, “Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave – just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

What did Jesus mean by being first? How can you be first by being last???

The disciples asked Jesus who’s the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, and Jesus called a little child over to him and answered in Matthew 18:3, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever HUMBLES himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” This was what Jesus meant by being first- the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Note!! The keyword there is HUMBLE. Like I mentioned before in a previous post, in Philippians 2:5-8, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who in the very nature of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance of man, he HUMBLED himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!”

In John 13, Jesus washed the feet of all his disciples, including one of them who was going to betray Jesus a few nights later. The Lord himself was a servant to his disciples. Likewise, we should all be servants and take every opportunity we can to serve others. We are called to be Christ-like. Therefore, we should take on the attitude of a servant, and we will be glorified after we have passed away, just as Christ was glorified. Then, the last will become first.

What does it mean to be a servant? Well specifically, we are servants of God, and we must be willing to surrender ourselves to the Lord to be used by him for his good works. You don’t have to have skills or talents. Jesus’s disciples were made out of fisherman and other humble occupations, and not men of authority like the Pharisees and Sadducees. They were not wise men, but God’s grace was sufficient for them as His power is made perfect in weakness.

God’s views differ from the views of man. As far as man is concerned, being first is to be one of the best among the rest, or being rich. Why else do you think man is sinful? Pride is one of the factors, because we always want to be better than anyone else. Most of the time, this drives us to be jealous and do all sorts of inappropriate things to gain what we want. This happens almost always in our lives. But as for God, He just wants us to be pure and innocent like a little humbled child. God loves us the way we are. So… why try so hard to please everyone else when you’re the treasure of the highest being?

1 Timothy 6:6, “Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

According to George MacDonald, who was a pastor of a church back in 1850 and is the author of my devotions book, he said “To every person on earth, I say, if you are not content, it is because God is not with you as you need Him, not with you as He would be with you, as you must have Him. You need Him as your body never needed food or air, need Him as your soul never hungered after joy, peace, or pleasure.”

Contentment is so difficult to attain in our day and age because of the kind of life we are living, plus all the technologies and distractions in our lives. We have been disillusioned by influences from the media, peers and etc. Everything else but God came first. It is because God was not first in our lives that we had to suffer with so many frustrations.

Everything in our lives, whether it’s responsibilities, Facebook, or Playstation, is just an illusion which cheats us into thinking that we have no time for God. On the contrary, we ALWAYS have time for God. It’s just whether you are willing to make time for Him.

During my missions trip in Batam, there was no technology, no internet. Electricity is turned on every day at around 6pm, so that the lights and fans can be turned on. After which, the electricity will be turned off at 11pm sharp. That was when I had all the time in the world to spend with God, meditating on his words and reflecting on whether I had obeyed His commands. On top of that, I could pray without any distractions.

True and eternal contentment only come from God because God knows what is best for you and He promises to answer your prayers. In John 16:24, Jesus said “Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” You will get your wish only when God knows it’s the right time. In Jeremiah 29:11, God told Jeremiah “For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I was watching a horror movie on HBO with my sister. It’s called The Unborn. It was REALLY freaky and scary. But at the exorcism scene, they were reading from Psalms 91. That was when it impacted me and it touched my heart.

Psalms 91: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress my God, in whom I trust.’ Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge… You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day.... A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you make the Most High your dwelling… then no harm will befall you… ‘Because he loves me’, says the Lord, ‘I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name…”

You’ll need to read the chapter yourself because it’s rather long, but this chapter was rather inspiring to me and it reaffirms my faith in God. Nothing else is as comforting as the Lord Himself.

Romans 12:2, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. They you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

The missions trip to Batam was definitely a refreshing one. We stayed over at a kelong of the missionaries that have been taking care of our church members for the last 2 years, whenever they went over for a missions trip. This month was my turn to go. Indeed, this missions trip has transformed me “by the renewing of my mind”. I pray that God will help me to resist conforming to this world.

During the missions trip, I realized how nice it was to be away from the busy life of Singapore, and the horror of being in the bowling circle. Bowling has changed me into someone that I don’t want to be, because of the influences of the people in it.

During a sharing session in church in January, I shared that most of my friends in the bowling circle have influenced me in a bad way, and that I don’t know if I have to stop hanging out with them in order to stop myself from becoming worse and drifting away from God’s ways.

During the missions trip, it was affirmed to me through Hebrews 12:1-2, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

It was an affirmation to me that I should indeed, stay away from anything that hinders me and entangles me in sin. If I have already been entangled, I should untangle myself from them and keep away from them. My pastor has confirmed with me that that’s what I should do. But he did mention that it will not be easy, not as easy as avoiding watching soccer up till very late at night because this involves my friends.

I pray that I may stop my friends from their bad habits, and influencing me through their bad habits.

I find it stupid when my friends do something offensive and tell me not to do it because they don’t want to corrupt my innocent mind. Did it not ever occur to them that by watching or hearing them do it, I will still be corrupted?

We are told to “love the sinner but hate the sin”. And so, with reference to this quote, I should keep away from the sin but keep the sinner as my friend.

However, if there’s really no choice, I would choose to be alone rather than do something to be accepted by others, just as Jeremiah was when he was warning the people of their ways and the consequences of their sins against God. At least after he had warned them for 40 years and being a loner for 40 years, God spared his life and eliminated rest of the entire city.

Yesterday was the Ngee Ann Poly Open, a small competition organized by Ngee Ann Poly, and there happened to be just 2 schools bowling, Ngee Ann Poly and Republic Poly. But it was quite fun though. And I didn’t expect to win anything out of it because it’s a mixed competition, so I expected the guys to take up at least the top 5 positions. But I happened to be 3^rd after my handicap of 60 pins was added in. otherwise I would have been 7^th position with an average of 192.17.

I was bowling a 220, 160, and then a 149 for the first 3 games respectively and I was getting pissed off. I didn’t expect a carry down in the lane oiling and was switching ball here and there. Then the 4^th game was 182. On the 5^th and 6^th game, I gave up fighting and decided to just read my newly bought Bible. I then bowled a 221 on both the 5^th and 6^th game. God had helped me bring peace to my mind. I realized I have been thinking too much, and the Bible was the source of peace that brought my mind away from bowling. I knew what I had to do on lane, but I was thinking too much in the bowler’s area after each shot. It is indeed true, what was mentioned in Proverbs 3:5-6:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight”

I knew what I had to do on lanes, and the only challenge was to trust myself it sending the ball to the intended line. I kept getting 5 strikes in a row, and the only times I made a mistake was the times I didn’t trust myself at the point of release and did last minute minor adjustments when I was releasing the ball. The Lord was there to guide my troubled heart and mind. It is also true indeed, what was mentioned in Philippians 4:6-7:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Everyone in the team knows what I am like when I am pissed when I face difficulties. I was trying so hard follow Philippians 2:3-4:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

I was still cheering my teammates and my lane-mate, Sandy Tan while I was frustrated with myself. Thank God for such concerned and thoughtful friends, they were trying to cheer me up and comfort me. Even Sandy Tan was trying to cheer me up. If only I knew how to suppress my anger, or at least not let it show. Now that I have found a way to bring peace to myself, I will carry on using this method in any other competitions. And that is, to read the word of God when I face difficulties.

Well, it has been a long time since my last entry. So bear with me for this post, because there are many things that I have learnt over this long period of time of NOT blogging. Haha.

What I have learnt most importantly is that, this Sportswoman of the Year thing isn’t good for me after all, since it affected my spiritual life and mindset in a bad way. I have been constantly pushing myself in bowling and have almost neglected God totally. But thank God for the Holy Spirit, I still search God’s words for answers. There was one day I just flipped through the Bible, and in a second, I was caught by Philippians 2:3-8:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

Who, being in the very nature of God,

Did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

But made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant,

Being made in human likeness,

And being found in appearance as a man,

He humbled himself and became obedient to death—

Even death on a cross!”

So what if I am the Sportswoman of the Year? I’m no different from the other bowlers. And the other bowlers are better than me in their own ways. Like, better learning attitudes in bowling, better anger and temperament management, a more positive attitude, and better ways at handling failures.

I had been struggling a little bit in bowling after we changed training grounds, and I was so frustrated with the lanes. My coach could see that I was struggling, and kept nagging at me with my mistakes. ARRGH!! This is so like SBF. But I tried to be tolerant because after all, he may have seen some mistakes that I made that pulled down my performance.

After I got better, and started scoring averages of 190 and above again, I still got irritating naggings from the coach and was even compared with another bowler who recently improved and started doing very well! Now this is sooooo like SBF man! ARRGH!! I hate that. That was precisely what made me demoralized and want to give up bowling in the first place.

But, after I came across the verse in Philippians, I realized that I haven’t been humble these days and actually thought that I was something. I have been working hard to achieve my selfish ambitions of maintaining number one! And I didn’t have humility in me, considering others better than myself. I looked only to my own interest, (which was tackling the lanes and getting my game and form back) and totally ignored the rest of my teammates who tried so hard to cheer me up.

Even if I am actually something in people’s eyes, I should instill humility into myself and see others better than me. I am only the Sportswoman of the Year and it’s just for the year 2009-2010, but Jesus is God in the past, present and future. I have had failures and was nothing in people’s eyes, but God is perfect and have never failed and has been feared of by everyone on earth.

Yet, He still came into this world as a mere human being who could feel hungry and thirsty, and could submit to death when He didn’t need to. He took in great amount of pain for His people when His own people were the ones that didn’t believe He was God their Father, and found all ways to send Him to His death.

Galatians 6:3-4 says “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.”

This verse reminds me of an analogy my mentor once told me. If one day God sets only one commandment for you that is “Thou shall jump so high that thou touches the moon” and you could only jump a meter high. Then one day, someone comes along beside you and tried to jump as well but could only jump half a meter high, you start laughing and mocking him. Isn’t it STUPID??? Both of you are equal failures who are way WAYYY too far from the mark God has set for you.

In the same way, we are not perfect and cannot achieve the best which is perfection. We can only achieve the best that is possible within our human capabilities. That makes us failures in a way that we cannot achieve perfection, and we are comparing ourselves with others who fail? Hence, the best is to have humility and consider others better than ourselves and look not only to your interests but the interests of others. Then you can gain respect from others.

I heard a relevant sermon last Sunday in church, and James 1:2-4 was used: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Pastor Steven said that trials and difficulties are always coming our way to shape and mold us into something better. Hence, we must embrace them.